god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
