Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
