I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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