dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
