I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
