she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
