I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
