had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
