Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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