I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
