I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
