this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
