I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
