Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
