you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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