upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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