I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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