Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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