**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
