She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
