walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
