I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
