remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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