it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
