i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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