Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
