Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
