I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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