All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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