Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
