PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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