Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
