Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
