is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
