Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We are two peas in an std pod
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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