Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Couch. On fire.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
