What a fucking waste of an outfit
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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