funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
