White coat. Heels.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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