just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Shame - the story of my life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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