people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
