yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
