and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
