i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Mom said you looked used
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
