so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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