It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
