OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
