One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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