You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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