What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
