I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize