Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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