I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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