There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
