I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
