There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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