I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I could fuck to npr.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
