Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
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Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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