around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
