the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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