you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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