do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
