I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
